Beauty from the inside out.

No more left of me

As a pisces, I tend to fall in love about every 45 seconds.
Which means my heart tends to break as often as it opens.
And as soon as I find me yet another you, I lose control, I lose my guard, I lose my time and I lose you.
If only an over the counter pill could mend me everytime my heart breaks, I wouldn't be destroyed by the impact from all the mistakes I tend to make.
I'm never ashamed that I ever loved because my love is honest and real.
I desire the same affection that I give, but in return, I receive more tears, more pain and scars to take to the next man after I fall in love again.
Unfair, it's harsh, but real. I don't understand why I cry.
Why can't I find the one who will see me, know I'm flawed, but start to glue the pieces of my shattered soul?
Why do I always find the men only willing to fill my holes and with no remorse take another fraction of my heart?
Soon, there will be no more me left to tear apart.

The Risk of You!

I wonder if the reason I can't put my feelings for you into words is because you take all of my breath away..
Your existence renders fear of losing the dreamland you allow for my escapes, my only request is that you stay...
For as long as you're here, my heart beats, and I'm alive for the first time...
I have dreamed of you nightly as a girl (the perfect man to make mine)
This feeling is so unusual, it tends to happen in reverse..
Selfish partners, temporary lovers, yet the end result still hurts.....
But I can't help falling wishing you'll be kind to my fragile heart.
It cannot take another break and as I fall, I risk falling completely apart.

today i realized how absolutely foolish i can be when it comes to men and romance. i found someone who makes me smile and although patience is the only requirement, i cant manage to have just that. id like to believe im not that selfish, but in reality, i have been broken so many times that i think its time to think about me for once.
the smarter side of me realizes that there is no room for selfishness when more than one person is involved, but how does a person seperate all the shit from the past in order to be that person for the present....and all the women ive judged for being ridiculous in the game of love would be shaking their heads at me right now.

There will come a day

There will be a time when I have a man and the pit of my stomach won't drop at the very idea of him being out of my site
I won't overeact from stress or lose my hair from depression or develop ulcers in this internal fight.
There will come a day when a man sees me as someone's daughter well raised enough to raise his own little girl
There will come a day when a man sees me as an essential asset in his obnoxiously vast world
I choose to believe that not every man is selfish and that to someone I am infact someone.
I choose to believe that someone else's fantasy holds a possibility of making our realities
one common design
That heaven and earth will be moved by the presence of our unbound connections.
i choose to believe that someone else believes in this true affection.
where romance is expressed outside of a novel
and the idea of passion isnt found in my tonsils.
i would prefer to believe that what reality has proven,
can be overturned by someone it may hurt me losing... blah blah blah..

I forfeit

Every right I had to you, I surrender without question.
I'm in love with you, you with her, and her with you, so be with her
you have my blessing.
I never stopped you from pursuing her love.
I selflessly put myself through pain to help you capture what it once was
The two of you were over, she moved on and you tried
but your love never changed and she still had all of you inside
The physical you gave to me as you selfishly accepted my heart
relentless in your endeavors to win her, you tore me apart.

fear of reality

My specialty is making a good thing disappear.
My lack of self worth masks my desires as my fears
as many times I've cried and set myself in the wrong direction
I still allow my heart to open
 and lose control of its protection.
I should just disguise all of my emotions and wear a constant mask of anger.
Maybe then, ill keep my sanity and my heart from any danger,
but my inner stupid girl keeps on praying to find the one.
Believing God will finally hear me and then my struggle will be done.
Maybe he hears me and sends me only pieces of a dream,
and I mistake them as per
fection as I settle for the schemes.
Scared to death to face forever while right now is such a struggle.
Any man would fear all these damn emotions that i juggle.
Why on earth would they want me out of all the women on this planet
Do we really all have matches? Is this guessing game how God planned it....