fear of reality

My specialty is making a good thing disappear.
My lack of self worth masks my desires as my fears
as many times I've cried and set myself in the wrong direction
I still allow my heart to open
 and lose control of its protection.
I should just disguise all of my emotions and wear a constant mask of anger.
Maybe then, ill keep my sanity and my heart from any danger,
but my inner stupid girl keeps on praying to find the one.
Believing God will finally hear me and then my struggle will be done.
Maybe he hears me and sends me only pieces of a dream,
and I mistake them as per
fection as I settle for the schemes.
Scared to death to face forever while right now is such a struggle.
Any man would fear all these damn emotions that i juggle.
Why on earth would they want me out of all the women on this planet
Do we really all have matches? Is this guessing game how God planned it....